I feel like a spectator in my own life. I see my life go by and I barely have a role in it.

It’s like a play. The whole world is up there on stage while I’m sitting there as part of the audience. I feel like I don’t have control over my own life. It’s passing by so fast but I feel like I haven’t really done anything yet. It’s like I’m in a fast moving train to nowhere and I don’t know when or how to get off.

I also feel like everything around me has made me who I am. My parents, friends, society, the environment, etc. I wonder if I would still be the same person if I wasn’t influenced by them. That’s why I want to try living in a whole new environment different from what I have now. I’m pretty sure I won’t be the same person. And if that’s the case, are we really who we are? Or are we merely just adapting to the environment while our real is kept hidden?

You know what I want? I want to experience brain trauma.

Not your ordinary kind of brain trauma that just involves bleeding and maybe possible death. No, I want the kind that gives you a special ability right after.

You're all probably saying, what?

But it is possible though. I just saw National Geographic's My Brilliant Brain and it showcased this man who had cerebral hemorrhage and was able to gain artistic abilities right after that incident.

I envy him. I also want to be artistic! I want my brain to be on autopilot and create ingenious artwork by itself. Sadly, my current brain isn't capable of that.

Another reason is that I want to have a near-death experience. They say it changes your life. After having a little brush with death, maybe then will I start to LIVE.

1.) Kevjumba - His videos are amazingly funny and entertaining. He was the reason why I signed up in YouTube in the first place. He is adorable :) but a tad too young for me. Haha! I would recommend watching this and this.

2.) HappySlip - Her videos are also a must-see. She recently just visited the Philippines and I wish I could have met her but her videos about her tour here in the Philippines would have to do. Watch this and this.

3.) WongFu Productions - These guys are so incredible. They add a lot of meaning and depth to their videos. All of their work is creative and it doesn't hurt that Philip and Wes are good looking. =p Some of my favorites: Yellow Fever and Nice guy. Oh, did I mention they're just about the right age? Haha! =p

4.) Sungha Jung - This 11-year old child is a guitar prodigy! Just watch him play to believe.

5.) Marie Digby - Her voice is wonderful and her lyrics are remarkable. Watch her here.

Do you guys have other recommendations? =)

From L-R: Ghost deck, Masters deck, Vintage Deck

These cost around $5 each from Ellusionist. I would order them if there was no international shipping fee of $10!! The shipping fee costs more than the cards themselves! Nevertheless, I am happy that I already own a Viper black deck from Ellusionist (picture below). I’m gonna collect these decks when I have the money.

Another thing I want:

MAC 187 Duo Fibre Brush =)

costs around p2700+. pricey!

yes, i want bunnies.

 Hmm, this is one boring post.

 Oops.

This is one great post! (trying to be positive here) haha 

There’s a saying goes, “Treat people the way you want to be treated”. I’ve edited that version and came up with a similar one of my own. “I treat people the way they treat me”.

It’s amazing how easy it is for people to call out my faults when it’s so obvious they have that same fault. I only mirror the the kind of attitude that has been shown to me plus my own attitude which often, equals something worse. This happens when I feel like an attack has been done or when I feel like I’ve been insulted. I think that, somehow, I want to make the that person feel how the other end feels like.

Although if I’m treated with great kindness, I make sure to give something back in return. I’m in awe when I meet these people. It’s so rare to see kind people these days, especially sincere ones.  I have a lot of admiration for them that I also would like to change and be like them. I would try for maybe a couple of days but then, I’d revert back to my old self. It’s a hard feat in this world today. Kindness is met with abuse or manipulation. People seem to equate kindness with vulnerability. People just boss around the “underdog” because they think they can get away with it. Sometimes, they do get away with it. They suck the life out of the person that in the end, there would be no kindness left.

I guess I’m one of those people. I felt like all the kindness has been sucked out of me. Now, I have these walls around me to protect myself from all the manipulators. I have been used, ordered around and took crap from people. Never again.

 I've wanted to write ever since I read inspiring thoughts and ideas written by other people. Every time I was inspired, I felt like I received a special gift from the author that no one else could have given. In those moments, I knew I wanted inspire people and hope that they too, would think of it as a gift. 

 I've also come across literature where a saying, or a line, would make me think. The line would really strike me that I would think about it days afterward. Without even knowing it, it somehow changes how I think and my way of life.  I really love changing other people's point of view. It's as if I'm thrusting upon them a whole new way of thinking. It's not easy though, because people always think they're right. It is only when truth slaps them on the face that they bother to think.

 So I leave you with this line that i made today. I alone know the meaning of it.

"beneath the surface lies the antihero and chaos within has yet to be unraveled"

 i tried to start the car.. maybe 10 times or so. but it just wouldn't start! there must've been something wrong with the batteries. cars were blowing their horn and i could see evil stares as people drove past me. i was literally blocking the way because i was the "first person in line", the one right at the intersection.

there i was in the car, sweating buckets, trying diligently to start the car. i couldn't bear to open the window so people couldn't get a closer look of me.  my mom wasn't answering her phone, i had no passengers with me, i just didn't know what to do. i was just sitting there cursing, why can't this fucking car start?!

then, i see a police car go by. i was sure i'd get a ticket for obstruction of traffic or something.. so i told them the car wouldn't start and they offered to push the car. yay! so i thanked them and when i tried to start the car again, it finally did! thank God!  

i know what you guys are thinking "harhar stupid girl can't even start the car"

but if i was a guy, you'd all be asking, "why? what's wrong with your car?"

am i right? or am i right? 

I write this blog not to teach people. I am not that knowledgeable. I don’t even know what to blog about next or what to wear today. I didn’t do this to flaunt about myself because there is nothing to flaunt about. I lead a very dull and pathetic life just like all the losers with a big bold “L” stamped to their foreheads. Sad, but true. And no, it is not option #3. As you can see, I suck at writing and am incapable of inspiring people.

I made this blog for me. I need an outlet to vent my feelings because some things are better written than said. I want to keep an outline of my life, however boring it may be. It may be flawed but it is mine. It’s the most precious thing that I have. It is through it’s imperfections that life deviates from monotony. I also want to discover a new side of me or to have a deeper understanding of who I am. Because in writing, you tend to view things differently. You constantly try to break things apart to get the minute details and try to put them back together so you can view it as a whole and hopefully grasp the meaning of it. That would be my goal; to discover my true self, one that is not influenced and controlled by others. My SELF that is not molded by some social strata. One that is simply.. Me.

And yeah, I'm doing this for the money too. hehe.

So.. any comments? Suggestions? Hatemail? Too serious? Too pretentious? Too crappy? Too blah?